As a wedding coordinator, I have the privilege of working with couples as they begin their lives together. It’s important to plan a wedding that reflects both of your values and interests, while respecting your budget – and I work hard to make sure you both feel taken care of on your wedding day. But I also know that a wedding is about so much more than just your wedding day – I mean, you’re spending the rest of your lives together!
Along these lines – I believe that it’s wonderful when you can have a lot of fun at your wedding, but I don’t believe that your wedding must be the best day of your life. That’s an incredible amount of pressure to put on yourselves, especially on a day when you have all of your family & friends together in one place – many of whom may not know each other, some of whom may not even like each other, and all of whom want to spend as much time as possible with you. In the midst of planning so many details & having wedding planning take up so much time and energy , it can be easy to conflate the wedding details with your relationship – but though your wedding is great and all, it’s not a reflection of the strength of your partnership, or your worth as a couple. I’m here to support people – not just throw great parties! (Though I do love throwing great parties…)
There is so much more to think about than napkin colors! What if you own a house and want to figure out whether you should add your partner to your deed, or refinance and add them to the mortgage? How will your partner’s credit history affect you once you’re married? What if you are planning to adopt your partner’s child? What if you are not a U.S. citizen, but your partner is? Who can help facilitate discussions between the two of you about issues that every couple faces (finances, relationships with in-laws, decisions about having a family, sex & intimacy, autonomy & privacy, goals & visions for the future…)?
Here’s who can help: lawyers, tax professionals and pre-marital counselors.
And guess what? On the Sweet Bough Collective website (the the local wedding directory & wedding resource hub that I started with Allison Usavage, a wedding photographer), we’re expanding the resources available to couples to help tackle these issues. Our vendor directory will include all the usual suspects (florists, photographers, caterers, etc…), but we’re also adding lawyers, tax professionals & premarital counselors who are on board with the Sweet Bough mission, and are ready to talk to you & your beloved. In addition, I’ll be writing blog posts (both there and here), and taking a deep dive into these different topics.
So. You may have gotten this far and are thinking: “Ugh. This is NOT the fun bubbly wedding planning blog post I was expecting! Prenups? Taxes? WILLS? You want me to think about what will happen if I DIE? Please, take me back to the page where I can browse the top 10 DIY centerpieces!” …but stay with me! It’s not all death & taxes, I promise! (But honestly – it’s not a bad time to consider death and taxes when you’re getting married. A will, health care proxy and power of attorney can be a beautiful way to make sure your beloved doesn’t have to deal with these things if something were to happen to you. But more on that in future posts.)
Here’s a quick preview of the articles to come – feel free to suggest more topics, if there is something else you’d like to learn more about!
- Taxes & Marriage – What will change when we get married, from a tax perspective? How can we prepare?
- Collaborative Law & Prenuptial Agreements – Aren’t these just for really rich people? And doesn’t it make it seem like we don’t think our marriage will last? (Spoiler alert: No & no.)
- Real Estate & Marriage – What’s the difference between adding my partner to the deed versus the mortgage? Is one better than the other?
- Immigration Law & Marriage – My partner is not a U.S. citizen, but I am (or vice versa) – who can help us navigate the immigration system?
- Wills, Health Care Proxies & Power of Attorney – What? And why? Do we really have to do this now?
- DIY Officiating – My cousin is going to marry us! Yay! Also, um… what does she need to do to prepare?
I’m here for the party, but I’m also here the rest of it!
(photo credit: © Allison Usavage)